It’s the year of the snake in a few days. This is a lucky year for me. As a rooster, I’m coming off a very long stint of just one hurdle after another. It’s time to embrace calm and good news.
My main struggle in life is my temper. I can hit 160/100 in seconds if someone stupid says something stupid to me. You have to grow to a level of maturity where that no longer happens. You can’t stop people’s actions, but you can curb the way you react to them. That will be the lesson I’ll have to keep learning as the years continue.
I’ve gotten weak. Over the past few years the only name-calling and fighting I’ve been subjected to involved children I would feed if they ever asked. The catty comments would be along the lines of, “You’re dumb, can we get pizza and have you ever been to…” Your mind starts to shape the way you view the world and you assume that’s the worst humanity has to offer. Then you dip your toe into the larger pool outside and realize they can be a lot worse.
Imagine Jabba the Hut consuming fried chicken after midnight, then slithering into your space and whispering with a raspy, breath, “He’s really good at it.” I’ve never been assaulted, but I now know what it feels like to be molested by clergy. It’s a weirdo that everyone in the community believes is kind and caring, but every chance they get, they’re trying to get you alone with the door closed so they can say inappropriate things to you and mine you for any vulnerabilities you may have. All of it done while they make scary, heavy eye contact and hackle giggle in the back of their throat with nasally breathing.
It wasn’t the comment that got to me, it was the vision of that golden man self-harming with a swamp thing. Was I to blame? Did me going away for the holidays drive someone to lick discounted Victoria’s Secret body spray off of unwashed, zero-maintenance flesh? Is he now walking around with the residue of daddy issues and a 400 credit score in his mouth because I don’t know how to put my pride aside and say hello? I’m sorry. I don’t mind being alone, but I regret that you’re hurting yourself like that.
We are approaching a new cycle. I have to stop blaming myself for dumpster fires. I also have to stop allowing them into my life. You cannot be friends with people that want something you have. You won’t be able to ignore how they want to wear your skin after a while, and then it gets awkward. The only thing you can control - letting them know they’re not welcome in your space.
I chose Dali’s Gypsy because his work can say so much without having to directly address anything. Dance to the beat of your own drum and whomever sits down to watch and listen, well, they’re supposed to be there.
Year of the Snake. It’s time for change. I’ll learn to be calmer, more understanding. I’m afraid I’ll always be petty though.